Yes, You Can Have The Wedding You Want

Weddings have a reputation of being a pain in the ass.

So whenever new couples get engaged, they say things like “Why can’t we just…you know…throw a really cool party with our closest family and friends?”

Guess what? YOU CAN!

Your wedding can be as simple and as awesome as you want. Or it can be as stressful, headache-inducing and cringeworthy as you want.

So what’s it gonna be?

There’s a few reasons why people don’t just end up throwing the really cool party that they want:

1.  Pressure from family and friends.

This is a big one, and it’s hard to deal with. There’s something about weddings that just makes everybody’s crazy come out. There’s not just bridezillas, you know. There’s momzillas, bridesmaidzillas, monsters-in-law—you name it.

The reality is: Your wedding is not just for you. It is for your family and friends. And while you should do everything you can to make it a fun and memorable event for everyone, the bottom line is this: It is your wedding.

How you communicate with the people who try to hijack your wedding day is crucial.

Say, “I love you so much and I appreciate everything you’re doing to help me make this a great day for everyone. I really do want your help and support. But, there are some things that are really important to us as a couple. We want to keep this a fun, simple and amazing wedding. And we feel like releasing doves just isn’t our personality as a couple.” Or, you know, whatever it is. Adjust the script as needed.

The key is to not lose your cool. Just calmly explain why you want what you want.  This wedding does not need to ruin any of your relationships.

And if it’s really important to your mom to have certain centerpieces or certain bridesmaid dresses or a certain dance troupe at your wedding—and those things are not important to you—you may want to just throw her a bone every now and then. Pick your battles.

2.  Pressure from society.

I’m going to be blunt here. This one is bullshit.

The TL;DR version: Who gives a shit what other people think?

The longer version: Have the wedding that YOU want. It doesn’t matter what your guests expect or what anyone else thinks.

Weddings have gotten out of hand. There’s no reason why you need a photo booth, a lightshow, a harp player, a social media director, painted portraits of you and your partner or an owl ring bearer.

If the reason why you’re including anything in your wedding is because you’re “supposed to” or because you want to impress people … STOP.

Perhaps you’ve forgotten what this day is about.

If over-the-top is your jam, go for it. But, if you’re reading this on The No Fuss Wedding, then it’s probably not.

People thought I was a bit cuckoo when planning my wedding.

“What are your colors?” they’d ask. “We’re not having any colors,” I’d respond.

How many bridesmaids will you be having? None.

Are you going to have a father-daughter dance? An anniversary dance? A garter toss? No, no and hell no.

I don’t like any of that stuff, so it wasn’t at my wedding. And my wedding was awesome and anyone who was there would tell you the same. 😉 I don’t think anyone noticed that we didn’t include a lot of well known “traditions”—and they certainly didn’t care!

3.  Pressure from vendors.

Some vendors will try to gouge you. So they’ll try to convince you that you need a million things that you don’t.

Other vendors are just used to working with crazy brides and grooms and so they expect you to be the same. So they’ll say things like, “Do you want a monogram of your initials on the dance floor?” when you’re thinking “OMG, no.”

Just use your words. “No” works like a charm.

4.  The snowball effect.

Yeah, weddings can be overwhelming.  There’s lots of decisions to make and things can easily snowball and get out of control.

Keep yourself in check. Remember what your priorities are. Remember what this wedding is for. Remember what your vision is for this day.

Does the type of cake really matter that much to your vision? Or how the napkins are folded? Or if you do your first dance before or after dinner? No.

So don’t sweat the small stuff. Let some things go without too much thought. Your sanity depends on it.

5.  The internet.

If you dare go on Pinterest, proceed with caution! It’s the gateway to over-the-top wedding ridiculousness.

Weddings existed long before the internet. Somehow, everyone did okay. You can too.

So you do YOU.

If you want to go Parenthood style and have a gorgeous backyard wedding thrown together in less than a week, go nuts! (LOVE their song choice, BTW.)

Give yourself the permission to have the wedding you want. That is all that matters!